I’ll be busy running Nancystan.

Actually, Ms. Lake, this isn’t our last blog.

You see, since time is an illusion created by the government to control our lives (cough cough MS. LAKE), time therefore does not exist and therefore does not move forward. Therefore, we will stay in high school, ninth grade, and ninth honors lit for the rest of our lives. Class will go on forever. And we will have a blog forever.

Denial? What denial?

I am so incredibly sad by the fact that there will be an end to blogging!! This has been the best language arts assignment EVER. I think that we should just put an end to all actual work or any assignments that require strenuous effort and just blog all day. That would make balancing school work much easier.

I really do love blogging, and I hope to continue posting when I can! Check in during any spare time, and I’ll try to whip up a word soufflé every once in a while. Of course, I’ll be really busy between walking red-carpet premieres with George Clooney in a killer Versace gown, cracking top-secret codes for the CIA that save the president’s life, becoming a world-renowned Harvard graduate nuclear physicist/ curling champion, and running a small third world country off the coast of Madagascar.

But I’ll manage.

I want to keep up with everyone’s blogs because they are all so wonderful! I’ll check in every once in a while to see what’s crackalackin with you youngins.

But other than that, I guess this is goodbye.

Sniff.

Sniff.

Farewell, my fellow bloggers. Farewell.

WHOA. Sorry guys. This is way too emotional and stuff for me. There’s no way that this is my exit. Okay, here we go:

Nancy logs off of WordPress and slowly closes her laptop. A single tear escapes from her closed eyelids and streaks freely down her face. Nancy rises out of her chair and then departs down the stairs to the door. She pulls on her black leather jacket and combat boots and races outside. Nancy swiftly swings her leg over the top of her red motorcycle and rides away into the sunset with the wind whipping her long, luscious mane of fabulicious hair. Nancy lives happily ever after as the credits roll across the screen.

Ah. That’s better. Besides, I had to use “fabulicious” at least one more time in my blog.

FINALS HAVE AN EVIL TWIN!!!

(crowd cheers, cheesy 60s music plays)

Host: Hello, ladies and gentlemen! Welcome to…

Crowd: LET’S TAKE THE EOCT!

Host: That’s right, folks! The crazy-fun game show from the PSAT season is back and better than ever! We have new contestants, new questions, and a whole lot more material to study! So, let’s meet our contestants! Contestant number one, come on down!

(crowd cheers as contestant number one takes the stage)

Host: Alright, contestant number one! First question: Do you think the EOCTs are a good way to test what you learn in your classes?

Contestant: I think that they are a good way to make sure we know all of the standards, but I don’t think they are a great measure of what we learned in class. Each teacher teaches differently, and I think that the final tests should be created by the teachers because they know us best.

(crowd cheers in agreement)

Host: Excellent answer, contestant number one! Now, let’s see what our next contestant thinks! Contestant number two, should there be an EOCT for every class? Or just some?

Contestant: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. We have too many final tests and assessments and exams and quizzes already! Maybe we should just, hm, I don’t know, not have the EOCT at all?

(crowd gasps in horror at the thought of actually having less standardized testing)

Host: Heh heh…wow. Not a bad idea, actually.

(crowd revolts and storms Georgia’s capitol with pitchforks demanding that we have no EOCTs whatsoever. the capitol agrees and students are test-free for the rest of their lives and free cupcakes for everyone yay)

Hey, an over-booked-tired-of-studying girl can dream, right?

Anyway, I don’t think that the EOCTs are a very good measure of what we have learned in our course. Sure, it checks to see if we have learned the standards we need to, but our teachers are the only ones who have been with our class all year. They should be the ones to write and give the final, because they are the ones who know what we did in class!

Oh wait a minute…we have those. They’re called FINALS.

I don’t like standardized testing one bit! Therefore, I don’t think that we should have any more EOCTs than we are already stuck with!

Guess what I’m going to go do now? STUDY FOR EOCTS!!!!!! Woo. Freaking. Hoo.

P.S. Anyone who can spot the polysyndeton in this post gets an espresso and a warm puppy!

FOR MARRNIA!!!

Nancy turns on computer. Nancy reads blog prompt. Nancy reads blog prompt again. Nancy thinks she has a week to think about what blog she will write about. Nancy realizes that she has blinked and it is Sunday night and she has no idea what to choose. Nancy reads so many blogs each week that the choice is unbearable. Nancy starts sweating. Nancy starts hyperventilating. Nancy feels like she wants to jump off the face of the earth instead of making this impossible choice.

Nancy sympathizes with Meryl Streep.

This week was so hard for me because I have read so many fabuliciously delicious blogs! In the end, I decided to choose the one and only blog of the epic Marri Kang (www.mariokang.wordpress.com)!

Marri’s blog amazes me every week. She has the stunning ability to turn any topic into a hilarious, magical splendor. My Sunday is not complete until I have read her blog! My favorite part of her style is the pictures. Every post comes with two or three photos (occasionally of Marri’s beloved species, aka CATS) that perfectly describe her writing, including a knee-slapping caption to go with it. I roll on the floor laughing my tush off whenever I read her work! And since this week is about style, I’m incorporating some of Marri’s style into this post with some pictures!

Even though I will never have as much style as Marri. Or this cat.

Aside from her impeccable sense of humor and writing techniques, Marri also goes above and beyond. Not only does she write an enchanting post every week, she even writes a review for every single play, musical, or show Northview produces in a funny and truthful way! It has been such a pleasure to read her blog this year, and I will miss it in tenth grade!

…because we want to keep reading your blogs forever and ever!!

(Do you like the cat pictures Marri? I got them especially for you!)

Everyone’s blogs are AMAZING!! I’m so glad I got to see them this year!

Must…Resist…Adorableness…

The sun is shining. The birds are chirping. The cool, gentle breeze blows steadily across your face. Suddenly, you hear an odd clicking and clacking, a noise that is oh-so-very peculiar for a lovely spring afternoon, a sound that definitely doesn’t belong in your whimsical dream. The noise gets louder and louder, increasing decibel by decibel every minute, until—

“…Nancy?”

You jolt upright in bed with a start to find a tiny six-year-old girl wearing a Little Mermaid nightgown amongst a sea of Polly Pockets. And this tiny six-year-old girl has big six-year-old eyes that are staring right at you.

“Nancy, are you awake?”

Glancing at your clock (which reads SIX IN THE FRIGGIN’ MORNING), the past night slowly climbs back into your memory. Your cousins are in town. They like to play with loud, clanking, plastic Polly Pockets in your room. And they like to get up REALLY early.

“Nancy, can you play Polly Pockets with me?”

Your eyes drift down to hers. She stares at you with so much hope, so much glee of your awakening, so much youthful joy at being with you, that you almost lose your entire soul because of the amount of cuteness in that one simple glance. No, you think pleadingly. Don’t fall for it, look away, look away, don’t get lost in those puppy-dog eyes…

You have completely lost all hope, and you dejectedly climb groggily out of bed and onto the floor next to the Polly Hotel and Polly’s Own Super Cool Convertible (copyright).

Three hours later, you find yourself wrapped up in Polly and her friends Anna and Nancy (who was named after you. You are very flattered). The girls are all celebrities living in the world-famous Polly Hotel and starring in movies about talking dogs and going to parties and talking to boys.

It got intense.

So while all of you were either a) sleeping in and watching cartoon reruns, or b) having a boatload of fun at insert-fancy-shmancy-tropical-vacation-destination-here, I was having the most fun of all with my awesomely amazingly fantastical cousins!

FIVE MORE WEEKS UNTIL SUMMER!

P.S. Did anyone else see Eashaa in the talent show on Friday? Because she was RIDICULICIOUSLY FANTABULOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

No Grandpa, Wizards of Waverly Place is NOT like Harry Potter.

Unfortunately, my family does not break out into a wacky Russian party dance whenever traditions are broken. I am sure that if this did happen to occur as a reaction of every spontaneous change in the family, my relatives and I would break traditions much more often.

While my family has a plentitude of “fun-happy-yay-family” traditions, there are not too many “we-will-smite-you-and-make-you-sleep-on-the-roof-if-this-tradition-is-broken” traditions. Therefore, if you have to spend your family’s annual thanksgiving dinner in front of the Disney channel on your grandfather’s old leather couch because you have a sudden head cold and can’t get near your new baby cousin, you will be forgiven. Not that you actually had a choice in the matter. Your family just happens to love the new baby more than you. And that’s perfectly fine. Even though you were stuck with plain chicken soup on a TV tray while the baby got to sit in front of a long feast of delicious rolls and hot turkey and sweet cranberry sauce and flavorful stuffing and cinnamon-y apple pie that she couldn’t even eat.

Grudge? What grudge? I don’t hold a grudge (Thanksgiving 2005. I will never forget).

So far, I haven’t broken any traditions in my family that have caused major consequences. If I had to pick any tradition to break, I would probably choose the tradition of House-Cleaning Sunday. Sadly, my mother has ensured that I will not be breaking this tradition today, hence the short blog.

Well, I am off to celebrate my family tradition (if you count Windex, Lysol, and vacuum cleaners as forms of celebration). I hope you have a lot more fun with your traditions than I am with mine!

Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Menorah

Psst!! World! I have to tell you a secret!

Come a little closer…

Little closer…

A tad closer…

AHH! TOO CLOSE!!

Oh. That’s better.

Now, you have to listen really carefully, World, because what I am about to tell you is a huge secret. It is not to be repeated. Ever. In the history of the world, this information can’t be spoken of ever again.

Ladies and gentlemen of the internet, this secret I’m telling you is one of the most important traditions of the Jewish People. I proudly present to you…the Jewish Christmas.

You are probably a little confused. You might start asking questions. You may even be doubting everything you have ever known. None of this is necessary, I guarantee. I shall explain.

Ever since Jesus was born (this name might sound a little familiar, as it is possible you have heard of him), people who practice the Christian faith celebrate his birthday every year on December 25^th. Christmas trees are purchased, lights are hung, chestnuts are roasted over open fires, and Santa makes his annual rounds with some red-schnozzed reindeer. But while the entire hubbub of Christmas is going on, what do Jews do?

I’m sure every family is a little different on Christmas, but for us, we go to the movies and eat Chinese food! No one really knows how this particular tradition started, but it probably has something to do with the fact that movie theatres and Chinese restaurants are the only places open on Christmas. It definitely seems a little weird, but for some of us, it wouldn’t be Christmas without it!

Another Jewish tradition that comes with the holiday season is the annual viewing of every single cheesy Christmas movie ever made. These are usually shown on the ABC Family, Lifetime, and Hallmark channels, and the more cheese, the better! You may find this hard to believe, but I actually enjoy experiencing the wonder and “Christmas magic” that these movies exude! A few favorites of mine include: Once Upon a Christmas, TWICE Upon a Christmas (the sequel!!), Elf, A Nanny for Christmas, and Santa Who.

Christmas isn’t the only holiday in December for Jews—as you may have heard, Chanukah is pretty important too. But in my family, the humans in the house aren’t the only ones celebrating for eight nights…in fact, my dog Coconut has a big role in the holiday. Coconut is absolutely convinced she is a human being. Therefore, she celebrates Chanukah like a human being would. Coco says the blessings over the candles with us, and she also gets presents just like we do! If you don’t believe me, I have video to prove it!

My mother kindly asks that you ignore her high-pitched “puppy” voice.

I hope you have enjoyed hearing my family’s traditions! Merry Christmas!

Stephanie Meyer…Descendant of Shakespeare?

Picking my favorite character from Romeo and Juliet is like picking my favorite character from Twilight—nearly impossible! Let’s compare:

Romeo is extremely creepy. He climbs over to Juliet’s house (breaking and entering, may I add) and listens to her private confessions and conversations to herself. But of course, that sounds NOTHING like Edward from Twilight who sneaks into Bella’s room at night, watches her sleep, and listens to her talking in her sleep. No. No similarities whatsoever. Also, Romeo, an eighteen-year-old, is hitting on Juliet, a thirteen-year-old. Not so different from Edward, a 100-year-old, hitting on Bella, a sixteen-year-old. At least Edward is sparkly.

Juliet and Bella are both naïve and stupid. Just because the girl sees a guy, and he does something like kiss her hand or save her from an impending car, does not mean she needs to give up her life to be with him! Juliet ends up killing herself just for Romeo, and Bella leaves her old life to become a blood-sucking vampire just for Edward. Coincidentally, it also seems as if neither Juliet nor Bella have friends. Maybe if they weren’t gullible idiots they would have someone who could talk sense into them!

Paris and Jacob can’t take a hint. While Paris still tries to hit on Juliet when she’s dead, Jacob still tries to hit on Bella when she is married and preggers. Don’t get me wrong; both guys are quite swell—Paris is a sweetie, and who can ignore Jacobs whole rip-off-shirt-sexily-to-reveal-ten-pack-and-then-turn-into-a-werewolf act? But maybe finding another girl would be best for these two (especially Jacob—his latest relationship is absolutely DISGUSTING).

Benvolio and Balthasar are like Emmett and Jasper. All of these characters have some speaking lines and some importance to Romeo and Edward, but neither really do anything in the play/book.

I would probably say that my favorite character is the nurse. She is sassy and hilarious for a 1500s chick! She also shows a lot of compassion and caring for Juliet and helps both her and Romeo throughout their journey.

Unfortunately, there is no nurse-type figure in Twilight. It’s possible Bella had a nurse at some point, but she was probably overwhelmed by Bella’s never-ending variety of extreme facial expressions.

YOU GO GLEN COCO!!

(The stage is set. A red desk sits in the corner of the room with a computer on top of it. Nancy is seated behind the desk in a rather comfortable black rocking chair. She goes to Ms. Lake’s website, reads the prompt for the week, and begins to think out loud.)

Nancy: Hmmm, what movie should I write about? There are so many fabulous choices. Well, obviously, my favorite Disney movie is Mulan…

Morgan Freeman Voiceover: No, Nancy. You have already written about Mulan. You must delve deep inside of your creative mind and write about another film.

Nancy: Alright, Morgan Freeman. I could write about The Hunger Games movie that is coming out, but I won’t know if it is my favorite movie until I see it—

Morgan Freeman Voiceover: Nancy, you must not write about The Hunger Games. You have not yet been enlightened by its amazingly hot actors and compelling love triangle. Think harder, Nancy. Use the force.

Nancy: That’s it! I love Star Wars, and I can write about those! I mean, there are so many to choose from, and the plot is fantastic, and the graphics are—

Morgan Freeman Voiceover: Not Star Wars. Your classmates are probably so sick of Star Wars by now that they would stop reading your post faster than you can say “light saber.” Discuss a different film.

Nancy: Wait a minute…I know what I’m going to write about!

Morgan Freeman Voiceover: Does it have me in it?

Nancy: Well, um…no. You’re just here because your voice is awesome.

Morgan Freeman Voiceover: Oh. Alright then, what is your favorite movie?

Nancy: Drumroll please!

Morgan Freeman Voiceover: There are no drums here.

Nancy: This is my screenplay! There can be drums if I want!

(The drums begin to roll.)

Nancy: The truth is…I don’t have just one favorite movie! There are too many to narrow it down to only one. As you know, some honorable mentions are Mulan and Star Wars (and The Hunger Games when it comes out!). But other than those, I have several other favorite movies:

1. The Wedding Planner—This is my favorite romantic comedy of all time. It has J. Lo and Mathew McCanaughey, who are both amazing. Plus, this movie has the perfect balance of important romantic comedy factors: cheesiness, sex jokes appropriate enough to watch while my mother is in the room, and a hot male lead.

2. The Devil Wears Prada—I love this movie because the plot is really funny and it has some of my favorite actors in it (Meryl Streep and Stanley Tucci)!

3. Mean Girls—This movie has the best quotes. Of all time. Not even kidding. YOU GO, GLEN COCO!!!!!!

4. Once Upon a Christmas—This is the best cheesy Christmas movie of all time!!!! Watching the inspirational story of Kristen Claus (the daughter of Santa Claus, obviously) saving Christmas despite the dastardliness of her evil sister Rudolpha gets to me every time. The sequel, Twice Upon a Christmas, is brilliant as well!

5. The Help—While this is a relatively new movie, it has become a fast favorite of many people, including me! It discusses serious topics and yet still ends up being a really hilarious film. And the book is splendid too!

Nancy: So these are my favorite movies! If you haven’t seen them, you should. Because they are amazing!!

(Crowd applauds as curtain closes. Suddenly, a lonely looking girl runs on stage.)

Guy in audience: She doesn’t even go here!

Lonely girl: No…I just have a lot of feelings…

(Lonely girl is escorted off stage by Tina Fey.)

THE END

Marry Me, Logan Lerman??

Romeo and Juliet are IDIOTS.

Seriously. I’m not trying to diss Shakespeare, or anyone whose parents got married after an hour of knowing each other, but this is just ridonkulous.

First of all, Romeo is a player. He was all “I’m-an-emo-depressed-guy-who-got-rejected-because-Rosaline-doesn’t-love-me,” and then he switched within minutes to “I’ve-found-the-love-of-my-life-and-I’m-going-to-marry-her-and-who-is-Rosaline-again?” If I was Juliet, I would’ve slapped Romeo and run screaming back to Paris (he could probably make better croissants, anyway).

Speak of the devil, Juliet is equally, if not MORE stupid than Romeo. What girl in her right mind would see an older, creepy dude in her backyard, confessing his love, and then be like, “Oh, that’s so romantic!” Newsflash, sweetheart: that’s called STALKING. Not to mention, when that same creepy stalker proposes after they have known each other for about an hour, she says yes. YES!!! That girl is crazy.

I guess things are different these days, which may account for why I think Romeo and Juliet are idiots.

I don’t personally believe in love at first sight, but that doesn’t mean it can’t happen to other people! But it is definitely rare. I think that most of the time, people confuse love at first sight with “You are extremely hot and sexy” at first sight.

For example, Logan Lerman and I had a thing going on from the moment I laid eyes on him. But does that mean I would drop everything to marry him in a nanosecond?

…yes. But that’s an exception.

Long story short, I think people need to get to know each other’s personality first before love happens, and that can’t happen with one glance. Well, at least it can’t happen in the 21^st century. Apparently it was totally normal for Romeo and Juliet. I mean really, an hour? And it was perfectly fine for Juliet to be thirteen? It’s like everyone in the 1600s are drunk on some sort of ancient stupid juice.

GASP!!!!!!! THAT’S IT!!!!!!! OF COURSE!!!!!

I’VE FINALLY FIGURED OUT WHY ROMEO AND JULIET ARE SO STUPID!!!!!!! They must have been drinking…AMONTILLADO!!!!!!!

 

How many times have you heard “Baby, Don’t Hurt Me” this week?

What is love? The answer really depends on who you ask.

Merriam-Webster: an intense feeling of deep affection.

Sixteen-year-old girl in a relationship: Ehmygawsh, love is like, soooooo awesome. It’s like, so, you know, like, love…yeah!!!

Forever Alone Guy: LOVE DOESN’T EXIST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (sniff sniff)

Six-year-old boy: Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!

J. Geils Band: LOVE STINKS.

Haddaway: Baby don’t hurt me…

Rose from Titanic: I’ll never let go!!

Taylor Swift: YOU JERK!!!!!!! (writes a song)

My mother: I love you, Nancy!!! Call me when you get there!! Don’t stay up past nine PM!! Eat your vegetables!!!

My dog: Lick. Lick. Lick. Sleep.

Love has a different definition for everybody, which makes it nearly impossible to truly define. In my opinion, the love you have for someone depends on who is on the other end of the deal. For example, a family member or friend gets a different kind of love from you than someone who you are interested in romantically.

Regardless of who you love, I think that love means one thing: when you love someone, you would do anything to protect him or her and would give everything to make him or her happy. That is what I believe love is, no matter how you categorize the recipient of your affection!